Impossible
by Seldenta
Summary: Prequel to In Memory and Just Memories. How Lucas and Sam met, and how Sam got into that situation.


Impossible

I remember years ago someone told me I should take caution when it came to love  
I didnt

A/N: Someone emailed me asking what happened, and how Sam ended up with Lucas. I decided to write this one shot, to explain that. Also I know the song says I did, but I didn't would make more sense. Lol.

* * *

"What the hell do you mean you wish you could trust me?!" Dean yelled, standing in the middle of the road, watching his brother stride down the side of it with a bag swung over his shoulder. "I saw you Dean, I saw how you looked at that waitress!" Sam replied, tears streaming down his face. "Sam!" Dean screamed "I don't know what your talking about. You can trust me! Get back in the car! Sam!" Sam stopped, his heart clenching in his chest while his body shook with silent sobs. Dean didn't know, didn't know what he was talking about. He didn't know that Sam loved him, was in love with him. If he did, he wouldn't be telling his brother to get back in the car.

Sam however was in love with his brother, and he could see that leaving his brother… walking away was hurting Dean. Swallowing back the tears he moved towards the car and slid into the front seat, turning away from Dean when he got into the car as well. He could.. would leave when Dean went to sleep. He couldn't risk it anymore, the pain if Dean ever found out. He wouldn't be able to handle it, to see the disgust and hatred in his brothers eyes. Eyes that he'd found comfort in so many times, assurance that he'd always be there. Even when he thought he was being betrayed, Dean would look at him and he'd know. He just knew.

The drive to the closest motel was tense to say the least, Sam kept his face turned away from Dean the whole way. After they pulled up, he was out of the car so fast Dean would have missed it if he blinked. For the first time in awhile, Dean felt distant from his brother. "Sam, please just tell me whats wrong." He tried to plead again, Sam simply shook his head and walked into the motel room.

It was cruel and he knew it, to let his brother think he did something wrong. It was really him, he was wrong. Dean would leave him anyways – or kill him – when he… if he found out the truth. It was better this way, even if it hurt at first. It was better for both of them. Dean would be free of him, he wouldn't have a pervert for a brother anymore and Sam well, he wouldn't worry over the one person in the world he could rely on leaving him. It had to be this way, even if Dean hated him.

Sam ignored Dean when he came into the motel room, simply dressed for bed and laid down in his twin sized bed. Of course Sam would be getting no sleep that night, he had to slip out as soon as he could. The tension in the room didn't lessen any when Dean laid down either, both tense even right before sleep. Sighing Sam glanced across the gap to his brother, and swallowed loudly. "Im sorry." He muttered quietly, hoping that Dean didn't hear it in the silence.

For a moment it seemed Dean hadnt, until his brother spoke into the darkness, not moving from his stiff posture, arms crossed over his chest and gaze locked on the ceiling. "For what?" Sam winced, rolling onto his back as well. "Everything." He deadpanned, glancing towards his brothers bed with dread. Dean glanced over as well, though Sam could only see his face covered in shadows it looked as though he were frowning.

However nothing else was said, Dean simply rolled away to face the wall and Sam felt his heart crumble into two hundred pieces. He couldn't help it, the pain in his chest, did his brother not forgive him for everything? The apocolypse? Ruby? He could understand it to some degree, what would he do if Dean ever picked someone over him? He didn't think he could handle it, didn't think he'd survive it. Rolling to face the door he closed his eyes, forcing back the tears that had sprung to the surface. He wouldn't cry, he just had to wait for Dean to fall asleep and then he could leave. Dean would be better off without him.

It only took an hour for Sam to be sure that his brother was asleep, asleep enough to be safe for him to sneak out. He stood and slipped from the bed, grabbing his duffel he hadnt bothered to unpack and headed towards the door. With a hand on the knob he turned and glanced back, pulling the door open just enough to slip out. He paused in the gap, staring at the sleeping figure of his brother while a tear streamed down his cheek. It was for the best, Dean didn't need him dragging him down. All he ever did was fuck things up, he was a perverted freak that couldn't do anything right. Dean had Cas, he didn't need him anymore.

Pushing through the door way he pulled it closed behind him and slung his duffel bag over his shoulder. With one last deep breath he stepped off the curb and headed down the road, sure he knew he could have left a note for Dean but would his brother even read it? He doubted it. Brushing the tear away he pulled his jacket tighter and continued on, looking for a car or truck to flag down for a ride – his trusty knife tucked into the waste band of his jeans – any way to get away.

_Say Something Im giving up on you  
I'll be the one if you want me to  
Anywhere I would have followed you_

Four months he'd been gone for four months, so far he hadnt seen or heard any hint of his brother, of the one he loved. Sam had found a job at some backwoods run down bar, washing dishes and sometimes even bar tending. Every night his chest hurt, his heart cried out for the one he loved. It hadnt gotten better with time like people say, it hadnt dulled in any way. He still swore he could catch hints of Deans cologn at times, the smell so ingrained in his brain that phantom wisps filtered in at times. Often these struck late at night, causing him to whip around just incase Dean was behind him, had found him. For the first month he'd been on the move constantly, never settling down in a town for more than a week, leading Dean in circles - if he was looking – just to insure he couldn't be found. Lately though he felt as though he was being watched. It was a tickle at the back of his neck, a sense he had from years of being a hunter. Someone – or thing – was watching him, and it was unnerving.

Tonights patrons are the usual, the ones hes gotten used to seeing nightly. Ted is sitting at the corner of the bar nursing his drink, watching the other people in the bar. Sean is in the corner, flirting with some tall brunette bombshell. Sam shook his head, a fond smile spread across his face. Sean reminded him a lot of Dean, he was such a man whore. "Whats got you smiling gorgeous?" A strange voice slurs from the bar, causing Sam to turn to find a tall, skinny but not overly so, blonde haired blue eyed guy sitting on the stool staring at him. Sam blinked once, twice and glanced at Ted – who was glowering at this new guy – he never saw this guy before. "Just Memories." He informs him as he slings the cloth over his shoulder and walks over. "What can I get ya?"

"Whatevers on tap, and your number." The blonde man replied, smirking at him. Sam shook his head, the nerve. "Yes to the first, no to the second." He drawled, moving to grab a mug and get the man whatever they had on tap that night. He noted that Ted had stood, ready to intervene if he needed some help. Shaking his head at the regular he poured the man the drink. "Aw why not?" The blonde asked. "He said no son, Best let it go." Ted commented, moving down the bar towards them. "Oh yea, what's it to ya?" Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. "Its fine Ted." Ted shot him a look and he shrugged.

"Ya sure Sammy?" Ted asked – the only person in the bar allowed to call him that, he reminded him of Dean – as he sat down on a stool closer to the two. "Sammy huh?" Blonde commented, and Sam shot him a look. "Only he gets to call me that. It's Sam." Ted was a fellow hunter, someone who knew both him and Dean. He'd retired for the most part – only taking local hunts – and usually spent his nights in the bar to have Sams back.

The blonde raised a brow at that, and after a moment offered a nod. "I apologize. I'm Lucas." He said, offering a half smile. Sam nodded his head "Pleasure." Though something about the man made him uneasy, like the baddies he used to hunt with his brother. It was most likely nothing though, right? "So, when do you get off?" Lucas asked, cocking his head to the side. Sam sighed and shook his head, what could it hurt? "In thirty minutes." He replied with a soft smile. "Great! What do you say to some coffee?" Lucas asked. Shrugging Sam nodded "Sure. Meet ya outside when I get off?" Lucas nodded and paid for his drinks and stood to leave.

"Sam, is this really a good idea?" Ted voiced from his spot at the bar, watching the young man as he moved around to straighten up some. "I… I dunno. It can't hurt." Ted frowned "He's not Dean, no matter what." "I know that! I know Ted. I just… Im lonely and I miss Dean." "So go back to him. He's looking for you, he misses you." "I know. I..I can't. He'll hate me." Ted scoffed at that. "That boy could never hate you Sam, never." "He already does, after all I did." "No." Ted denied. "He loves you, he misses his brother. He'd welcome you back with open arms." Sam shook his head and his hands clenched. Ted knew there was no point in arguing with a Winchester. "Alright Sammy. You take as long as you need, I got your back." Sam nodded and his hands relaxed.

_My heads under water but im breathing fine  
Your crazy and im outta my mind  
Cause all of me loves all of you_

It had been two months since Sam met Lucas and they started dating, Ted didn't like the blonde but that was most likely because he wanted Sam to go home, go back to Dean. Tonight Sam took off from work, because Lucas said he wanted to take Sam out to dinner. Excited Sam rushed around his small apartment and got ready, nearly running late when Lucas knocked on the door. "Lucas!" Sam greeted, offering the man a tender kiss. Lucas smiled and returned the kiss, wrapping a arm around Sams waist and pulling him against him. "You look absolutely edible." Lucas purred, running his nose along Sams throat.

"We're gonna be late." Sam protested when he felt Lucas' hand slip lower and squeeze his ass. "Luke." Sam said in a stern voice, pulling away from his boyfriend. Lucas chuckled and nodded "Alright. You cant blame me, your so gorgeous." Lucas said, reaching out to pull Sam in again, pressing his lips to Sams his tongue running along Sams bottom lip begging for entrance. Sams lips parted granting the request, his own tongue snaking out to greet Lucas' and lure it into his mouth. A low moan bubbling up from his chest, as he curled his hands over his boyfriends hips.

Lucas moved his hands down, slipping under the dress shirt that Sam was wearing and moving up his toned stomach smirking when he felt it flex beneath his hand. His other moved to the back of Sams neck, holding him in place while his tongue explored, mapping out every inch. Sam groaned and pressed into Lucas, his eyes drifting close as he broke the kiss. Resting his forehead against Lucas' Sam attempted to catch his breath, and his bearings. "I thought we were going out." He panted, shivering when Lucas' finger brushed over his nipple.

"Mmm We could." Lucas agreed. "But now that I've seen you, I'd much rather have you." He purred, gently pushing Sam backwards and closing the door behind himself. Lucas ran his hands up and down Sams chest, tilting his head to the side. "Its up to you babe." Lucas added as he began to unbutton Sams shirt and pepper kisses along his neck and collar bone. "Fuck it." Sam groaned and grabbed Lucas' shirt, pulling it over his head and taking his hand to lead him towards the bedroom.

Lucas chuckled "Some ones eager." He murmured as he followed Sam into the room and shut the door behind them. He turned around a predatory grin spread across his face as he closed the distance between Sam and himself, pushing his boyfriend to sit on the end of the bed. Lucas pulled Sams shirt off after unbuttoning it, tossing it across the room and groaning. He could hardly believe this Adonis was his, his to play with his to claim. Sinking to his knees between Sams legs he deftly undid the button and zipper, pulling Sams jeans and boxers down as Sam collapsed back onto the bed. Running his hands up and down Sams sides, chest, stomach he revealed in the small breathy gasps he drew from the man.

Peppering kisses up the inside of Sams thighs, he eventually reached the object of his fascination. Large and half hard Sams cock lay limply In a patch of dark hair. "So sexy." Lucas breathed before his hand grasped Sams dick, lips parting as he took it into his mouth. Sam gasped and pressed his hips up – or tried – but found that Lucas' hands kept them pinned to the bed. "Luke." Sam groaned as Lucas ran his tongue along the underside of his cock, before just taking the head into his mouth. Lucas smirked before pressing a brief kiss to the head, and tongued the slip drawing a loud moan from Sam before he quickly deep throated his boyfriend. "Holy shit!" Sam cried, arching his back and his hands gripped the sheets. "Fuck, Luke." He gasped as Lucas swallowed around him quickly several times. "Im gonna." He tried to warn, Lucas pulled off to grin down at Sam briefly. "Come for me Sam, let go." He wanted Sam relaxed because tonight he was determined to fuck this Adonis. Slicking a finger quickly, he went back down on Sam and pressed a finger against his entrance.

Sam tensed his legs quivering as he tried to hold it off, but when Lucas' finger breached him and curled brushing against his prostate on the first try he came would a low groan. Calling out Lucas' name as he did so, he could feel Lucas swallowing all he had to offer. "Mmm." Sam mumbled when Lucas pulled off and crawled into the bed beside him, pulling him up some. "Let me…" Sam tried to sit up but Lucas pushed him back down. Rubbing his hand over Sams chest Lucas purred "There are other ways, to pleasure me Sam." At Sams questioning look, Lucas raised a brow and drew his hand down Sams stomach to finger his entrance. "You could let me… If you're ready I can make you feel sooo good." Lucas promised, pressing a finger against Sams entrance but he didn't breach him yet.

Lucas scanned Sams face looking for any sign of acceptance, permission. Finally Sam nodded and Lucas grinned leaning in to press a chaste kiss to his lips, before getting off the bed briefly to retrieve the lube from his jeans pocket. "Someone was sure of himself." Sam commented and scooted back further, spreading his legs as Lucas rejoined him on the bed and covered his body with his own. "Mm no, just hopeful this was where the night would end." Lucas corrected, before scooting down to where he could focus on Sams entrance. With a smirk he leaned in and swept a tongue across the quivering muscle causing Sam to gasp and scramble back an inch before he grabbed his hips. "Shh it will feel good babe." Lucas promised, pressing a kiss to the inside of Sams thigh. He waited for Sam to nod before moving back in and repeating the action once, twice, three times. The third time it drew a low moan from Sam, and using his tongue Lucas probed at Sams entrance.

Lucas continued to press his tongue against the entrance, forcing the muscle to accept the intrusion. Sam groaned when finally he was breached, he could feel his muscle clenching trying to remove the intrusion but it felt….good, strange but good. Lucas took the groan as a signal to continue and thus he began to thrust his tongue in and out of Sam several times, soon the muscle started to relax and accept the intrusion. "Fuuck." Sam whimpered and tried to push down on Lucas' face but was held in place. Lucas removed one hand and slicked up two of his fingers, using one to replace his tongue. "Mm Sam, you feel so tight. You've never been fucked before have you?" Lucas asked as he added a second finger and alternated thrusting them and scissoring him open.

Sam shook his head, chest heaving as he lay there panting and moaning. "Luke, please." Lucas grinned and added a third finger causing Sam to tense. "Shh relax baby." He soothed, rubbing at Sams side as he continued to stretch him. "Gotta make sure your stretched, don't wanna hurt you." _Today_ he thought to himself. "Luke!" Sam demanded though it turned into a moan when Lucas brushed his prostate. "Alright babe." Lucas said, clearly amused. Pulling his fingers free he reached for the condom but paused "I know your clean, and I'm clean. Do you want me to use the condom?" Lucas offered, hoping Sam would say no because he wanted to claim him, brand him, mark him. "No, I trust you." Sam breathed peering at the blonde from beneath his eyelashes. _Dean. _Sam thought, closing his eyes again. It was because he closed his eyes that he missed the predatory grin that spread across Lucas' face. Lining himself up he pushed in gently after he'd slicked himself up. Sam tensed at first, but Lucas paused and let him adjust before pushing forward again.

Once he was in to the hilt he paused, peppering kisses all over Sams face trying to distract him, even kissing his tears away. "You can move." Sam whispered a few minutes later, he'd noticed Lucas quivering from the effort not to move. Lucas kissed him as he pulled out and thrust back in drawing twin moans from both of them. "Fuck, you feel so good." Lucas groaned, repeating the action. Supporting his weight on his arms he began a slow and steady pace, changing angles so that each movement brushed against Sams prostate. "So tight." Lucas whispered, pressing a kiss to Sams neck and biting gently at his collar bone.

"Luke, faster please." Sam pleaded causing Lucas to smirk and increase his pace, working both of them towards their release. "Gonna fuck you so good baby." Lucas promised as he pulled out and rolled Sam onto his side, slipping in behind him and thrusting back in. Sam gasped at the new angle and moaned when Lucas began stuttered harsh thrusts. After a few though Lucas worked him over onto his stomach with the thrusts and began to brutally pound into him drawing out cut off gasps and moans. "Luke so close." Sam whined, pushing back against his boyfrlend. Lucas snuck a hand around and began to jerk him off to the same pace "Come for me baby." He whispered in Sams ear, groaning when he felt Sam tighten around and and could feel him spill all over the bed. "Mmmm" Lucas moaned, thrusting harder as Sam collapsed into a boneless heap on the bed, only moving with the force of Lukes thrusts.

"Gonna brand you, mark you, make you mine." Lucas breathed when he could feel he was close. "Mmm yes, mark me Dean." Wait what? Lucas felt Sam tense and he froze. "Who the fuck is Dean?" Lucas snarled, hands clenching into the sheets beside Sams hips. "No one!" Sam promised and Lucas didn't believe him. Thrusting harshly into Sam he drew a harsh cry from Sam. "Who the fuck is Dean Sam?!" He questioned, doing it again and again. "He's My brother!" Sam cried, burrowing his face into the pillows. Lucas paused, cocked his head and laid down on Sam peppering kisses along his shoulder. "Shh its okay baby." He continued to thrust gently in and out of Sam seeking his own release. Some how the knowledge that Sam had a thing for his brother turned him on even more.

Sam shook his head, tears streaming down his cheeks. "No, you'll hate me just like he will." Lucas groaned and thrust again. "Feel me Sam, does it feel like im disgusted or hate you?" He asked, tensing as he finally came coating Sams insides, marking him. "Your mine, I love all of you baby." Lucas promised, gently pulling out and rolling to lay beside Sam. Pulling the taller man into his chest he held him, rubbing soothing circles into his back. "Your mine." Sam nodded in agreeance, nuzzling Lukes chest. "Yours."

_I remember tears streamin down your face  
When I said I'd never let you go _

The first time Lucas ever hit Sam he was drunk. The first time he ever hit Sam they'd been together for five months, the first time he ever beat Sam was when Sam tried to leave. All this happened the same night, a night Sam would never forget because it was the night Lucas changed. It was the night he realized what a weak, pathetic man he was… hunter he was, if a normal human could beat him so badly.

Lucas came home from the bar late, and Sam sat up waiting for him to get home of course he thought it was from work. "Where have you…You're drunk." Sam said, accusingly towards Lucas when he walked up –stumbled – to Sam. "Mhm. Very, and horny." Lucas informed him as he tried to slip a hand into Sams pajama pants. "Luke, No." Sam said pulling Lucas' hands out of his pants and stepping backwards. Lucas frowned and grabbed Sam by the waist pulling him in for a harsh kiss, forcing his tongue into Sams mouth. Sam bit down on the tongue and gasped when Lucas backhanded him, nearly knocking him to the ground.

Straightening himself he stared at Lucas in shock, and brushed a thumb over his lip to reveal blood. "I'll be back when you sober up. Maybe." Sam said, moving to push past Lucas towards the front door. He wasn't expecting Lucas to grab him by the hair and jerk him backwards, throwing him to the ground or the harsh kick to the ribs that followed in rapid fire. Grabbing onto the leg he curled around it, trying to stop the assault and catch his breath long enough to fight back. Lucas bent over and punched him in the face twice, yanking his foot free and collapsing to the ground to straddle Sam. His hands went around Sams throat and squeezed, cutting off what little air Sam managed to get back. Now Sam bucked, trying to dislodge Lucas as he tried to pry his hands off his throat. "Your mine." Lucas snarled, squeezing tighter.

Sam drew back and punched Lucas in the face, causing the man to let go of his throat. Bucking up again he dislodged his lover and rolled onto his side gasping for breath. "You little bitch!" Lucas snarled kicking Sam in the spine. "LUKE! Please!" He pleaded, rolling away from Lucas only to be kicked in the side and stomach. Pushing himself to his hands and knees he knelt up, grabbing the leg that came swinging at him and yanked knocking Lucas to the ground. Clambering over him he punched him twice in the face before Lucas rolled them and slammed his head into the ground stunning him. "You're Mine." Lucas snarled into his face, squeezing his throat. "I'll never let you leave. You understand that? Mine. My property." Sam gasped for breath and nodded "Ye..yes. Lu…ke" Lucas finally let go of Sams throat and stared down in horror.

"Sam, baby I'm sorry i.. I didn't mean to." Sam shook his head, wincing when all that did was make it throb. His throat hurt, his sides and stomach hurt and worst of all he let this happen. Dean would never want him, he was weak. He couldn't even beat a normal human. "Babe please, Im sorry I just love you too much." Lucas pleaded, moving off of Sam and pulling his shirt up to check the damage. Sam winced and flinched away from the man, closing his eyes he swallowed harshly. "Its k. I deserved it." He whispered, wincing at the agony the words caused both physically and mentally. Tears streamed down his face and Lucas used a thumb to brush them away. "How about a nice warm bath?" Sam could only nod and accept Lucas' help when he got up. He was sure he had a broken rib or two.

_Just close your eyes the sun is going down  
you'll be alright no one can hurt you now  
Come morning light you and I'll be safe and sound_

After that night Lucas started beating Sam everytime he got drunk which was nearly every night. Sam quit fighting back because it only made it worse, it was easier to just take it. He deserved it after all, he was a sick freak like Lucas liked to remind him so often. Sam no longer went outside the house, to covered in bruises to show himself to the world. Lucas had broken his hand once and Sam just wrapped it himself, not wanting to get his lover in trouble. He deserved it after all, Luke said so. He shouldn't have made Luke so mad. Afterwards Luke was always so nice, he promised it'd never happen again and that he loved Sam, that's why he got so mad. Because he knew he could do better, could be better at keeping the house cleaned, or his meals warm, or any number of things. Luke was right after all, he supported Sam and all he asked was for a clean house and a hot meal when he got home. It was Sams fault he got beat.

The first time he was raped was a week after the first time he got beat, now he was used to it. How things could have changed so much in such a short period of time was beyond him. Why he had ever left Dean – who he loved – and never went back… why had he told Cas not to tell Dean? He regretted his choices, because he knew in his heart as he heard the front door slam open that Luke would never stop, not unless Sam was dead or gone. Wincing when he heard Lucas scream his name he pushed himself up and turned to face the music. He was leaving tonight, because he couldn't take it anymore, he no longer loved Lucas. Where he'd go he didn't know but it wouldn't be here.

He stood in the door way of their bedroom, watching as Lucas stormed into the kitchen and dining room before heading down the hall. "Sam!" He called again, and Sam steeled himself, walking down the hall and into the living room. "Ah there you are babe." Lucas smirked and moved towards Sam. He reeked of alcohol and as he got within reach and groped Sam his mind was made up. "Luke." Sam breathed, closing his eyes as Lucas roughly stroked him through his boxers. Pulling his hand out he pushed his lover back. "Luke, I'm leaving and you're not gonna stop me." The anger that flushed across Lucas' face was rapid and volatile. Sam knew he was about to get beat, possibly worse but he had to get out.

Lucas surged forwards and grabbed Sam, shoving him into the living room towards the couch. "The fuck you are!" He snarled, drawing back and punching Sam in the face causing the taller man to fall onto the coffee table, smashing it under his weight. "Now look what you did!" Lucas screamed as he drove a foot into Sams side, causing Sam to gasp out in pain and curl in on himself to try and protect himself. Tonight he'd leave, either alive or in a trunk In the car. Either way it would end tonight that much he knew.

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A/N: So this was the prequel to In memory and Just Memories. Its a shortened version of how exactly Sam let himself be abused. Basically if anyone deals with being put down all the time, or beat or punched and belittled sooner or later you begin to believe it. I lived with a friend for seven years who was emotionally abusive. I'm still working on recovering the self esteem i lost living with him. I left almost 3 years ago, so yea it takes time.


End file.
